War games

I would never have thought that I was actually involved in battle, but even though there is no blood being spilt, the analogy is still quite relevant. Constant reconnaissance to check out the lay of the land, tremulous negotiations to see how all parties can most benefit from the course of actions. Pushing the boundaries to see how much can be gained and how much the opposition is willing to concede. Tactical withdrawal, sue for peace. Loss and gain, but at what cost? It will be interesting to see how high a price has to be paid. Will I follow historical leads and lose the game because I am working on two fronts? Not my intention, so I will conserve resources, back off on one front, reinforce and analyse to the best of ability, keep focus narrow, not try and make gains that spread the battle and resources too thin. But the main thing will be to prevent allegiances being forged. Not likely, the combatants have too many conflicting ideals to be well suited and there is no result with my total defeat.

Interesting, and as long as no one gets hurt, the game is almost fun to play. Real trouble is, how does one know what damage you inflict?

Retreat and regroup

When does a tactical retreat translate into surrender? I feel the need to withdraw, turn into myself, for the little comfort that provides. I do too much wrong lately, to myself and to others. Time to shut down and let the world go around without me. Not that it cares what I do anyway, but I seem to be having only negative impact at the moment. This way, I may have a chance of limiting damage all around. I have expected too much from all those around me at the moment and have had severe reality checks on all fronts. Something I obviously needed, but not welcome regardless. I suppose I should be thankful for small mercies though. At least I have only humilated myself privately. Again based on gross misassumptions and expectations. Hopefully I have learned that lesson. Should have by now. Just need to keep that in mind and it may save me doing it publically. Now that would leave no room for manouvers. But it sure feels like war. Counter defense on one front I could deal with, but not a combined attack. Not that there has been an aliance formed from the combatants, just that their timing has worked beautifully for my detriment. Or should that be betterment? I am too sore and battle weary at the moment to see the good that is probably going to rise from the ashes.

Time

Interesting concept, this business of travelling through time and space, taking to thin air as if one was talking to someone. Have been spending the time between last here and now, doing a lot of talking to myself, in the somewhat vain hope of clearing up a few problems. Dont know that I have been entirely successful on that front, but have managed to try and get things into perpective. Not sure if I like the picture, or what the picture actually is, but who am I to tell? Have been getting a lot of things wrong though, and that I definitely dont like. Though I think the worst is that I am really not sure where to go from here. I actually asked the question yesterday, 'am I just being paranoid in thinking that there is something/I have done something wrong, yet again' Got no answer, well, actually, got a lot of verbal dancing around, which I suppose, is answer enough. And here I was, thinking that I was back on track to doing the right thing. So, are others picking up on my very good talent of reading more into things than are really there? And if that is then the case, should I go back to doing what I want because it is believed that I am doing so much more than that anyway? No, of course not. If only to have something to claim on the moral high ground, especially after giving so much away on so many fronts. They talk about being shot for a sheep as for a lamb but what do you do when the scent of lanolin is purely circumstantial? I think my finding my way back here needs to mark a point where I should withdraw, let the real world take care of itself without me, as it is so capable of doing. And continue this journal to see how it travels.