Failure

I suppose the only good thing about considering yourself a total failure, is that there is only one way to go. Things could get worse, I know, but that would take the failure away from just me and really start making a disaster of things.
Ok, so lets put down an inventory as to just how bad a job I have done this last little while, and maybe, just maybe, if things get better, I can keep a track on that.

Failed; myself. Should have remembered the reason for a one limit share on wine. Said some things I had no intention of ever saying. It is bad enough to lose ground in a tactical retreat, with the plan to gain some other advantage elsewhere, but to just surrender without any point whatsoever? Insanity, to put it mildly. Could use another few adjectives, but what can be gained by that? Just try and find some other way of rebuilding my shattered opinion of myself.

Failed; my partner. Just how much patience can one man have? About time I stopped saying that I appreciate what he is to me and does for me, and actually do some things to show it, instead of just abusing his love for me. Else I am going to find that the boundaries are not all that far away and not all that secure.

Failed; a friend. They came to me battered and bruised to find a bit of peace and security. Instead got questions that cut and had stuff dumped on them that should never have been dumped. There is little peace to be had in the words that things were not said that were not known, it does not escape the fact that I had no right. What part of selfish egotism ever gave me thought that I could ever abuse another like that?

So there it is. Put in words to give myself reminder. I feel that I am a very poor excuse for a concerned human being at the moment. Just how thick a skin and skull must I have as these lessons just will not sink in!

I had better learn. Before I do some real damage. Not to myself, for that would only be deserving. But to those I do care about. Now that would be unforgivable.