Change

I was musing on telling someone a story, but I decided to put it here instead. Probably because I dont feel that I should send it to them, but they might stumble across it here.

I have a friend. Yes, for those that know me, it surprised me how many I do have. Anyway, this friend had a problem. She was in a relationship that went sour. Not her choice by the way, if relevant anyway. So, as girls do, we talked over copious amounts of chocolate and wine, over time. Yes, she talked to him about it, asked what was wrong, what had she done wrong, sooked, sulked, got angry, cried, lost sleep, you know all the senarios. She wanted things back the way they were, he was not interested, there was only reaction. Too many other problems to deal with.

And sure, I gave all the advice. Leave it be, time will heal, you still have a choice, cut and run. But you can be as logical as a full blood Vulcan and it makes not one blind bit of difference as far as matters of the heart are concerned.

Months passed. She began to accept that things were as they were. Sure, there were relapses, need for chocolate and alcohol, but I saw her less for these. Then one day she rang. The war was over, she had surrendered. Metaphorically of course. She had pushed the boundaries trying to get a reaction. And a reaction was got. But she surprised me. First, that there was sadness and resignation, but that was all. Second, that she was looking to change her job, on my advice.

Now I don't recall ever saying to pick up and leave. I would have thought there were too many plusses at her work and only the one problem, but it seemed the advice was indirect. For I had told her that I once had an email address that only a tiny number of people used. Started off fine, communication good, but that all dried up. It got to the stage where I knew I was going to be disappointed if I checked, I checked, and became annoyed because I was disappointed. Solution? Get rid of the site. Problem solved. I took control and created the situation where I could no longer be aggrieved.
So this is what she decided. If she was going to be stressed while working with this person and not being able to enjoy the relationship she had, then if she left, she couldn't be upset when ignored. She was also pleased to find that she could. Last year she would not even have contemplated such. Though that is another point of coincidence. I thought I was the only one looking for a change of scenery. It is often a surprise how these things work.

The point here? Change was sort. She wanted him to change, but all she did was upset herself and everyone else. So she made her own change. Not to change him, she realised that was not going to happen, but to change the situation, get herself out of the equation.
And, of course, the unexpected happened. She found her workmates did not want her to leave, big ego boost. He began to speak to her again.

No fairy tale ending here. She does not know if she will get the chance to change her job, but I think she will still go if given the chance. There is some repair happening, though there was one slipup, she said that she made the mistake of assuming that things went right back to what they were. Silly girl, but she got through that quickly. No more assumptions, she told me. She can take what little is offered. But she can also leave it.

Moral. If you want change, you have to make it. But take care. It may not be quite what you expected. Life has a funny habit of doing that to you.