Birthday

I find it difficult to get into the mindset of talking today, there has been too much in my life that has caused me angst this last month, to be objective about it, but given the day I guess it would be wrong to let it pass without comment.

Today is an anniversary of my birth. And I enter a year of a significant zero. Though it has been an interesting day. Family fully supportive but the usual occurs elsewhere. Far too close to Christmas and New Year for people to remember and when they come back from holidays, the day is well and truly over. Normally this is something that does not bother me, I dont like gearing up to organise my own celebration, but for some reason it is different this time. With the ease of phone and computer messaging it is a little let down to only have one message from outside and just the couple who spent the afternoon with us, and they do not qualify as the "inner circle" of friends. Yet.

But I guess it is still reaction to the way the year ended. Not one of my best, in fact, I would go as far as to say that it would have had to be one of my worst. I dont think I have ever been so angry and upset with a situation or person before in my life. And having lived so long already, that is a pretty bold statement. Some relief found in venting frustration to girlfriends who were happy enough to lend a supportive ear, but with no resolution, the problem is still festering. I hate the whole damnable business at the moment but cannot see what I can do about it. I want to just let it go and get on, but I do not know how. It keeps on coming back to undermine my attempt at peace no matter how often I put it aside.

Ah well. Nothing for it but to just keep on trying. It is not as if the person involved cares about it, they tell me they have their own problems to deal with. But do they have to do it in such a way as to have such a detrimental effect on me? As they say. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

Anyway, not a nice way to spend this day, though there is a little relief here. I will go and make use of my present my beloved organised, some beautiful wine glasses and some very nice wine picked up on todays winery visits to put into one. Take away for tea, I will not cook tonight (not that I do much on the holidays, G Y O is the order of the day and some attention and my mood has no chance but to improve. Happy Birthday to me.