Lesson in negative reinfocement

As any teacher, or parent, is well aware, one needs to have a whole repertoire of lessons in behaviour management. To build model citizens, for one. For your own sanity and peace of mind, the main. Though a recent discussion with a college had me think about a more formal discourse here.
Now, I am a firm exponent of bribery and corruption, of the right kind and in moderation, of course. It is amazing how a simple sticker or small chocolate can elicit a surprising amount of work from my students. Of course, we all know this. You would probably not be surprised what I would do for the right kind of incentive. After all, dinner, wine, flowers and chocolate are not recommended for apology or persuasion for no reason.
Another name for this is positive reinforcement. Give a reward for the right kind of behaviour and you may get a repeat of the behaviour for a chance at getting more reward. Works well, if you get the right kind of behaviour. Or you are willing to outline exactly the sort of behaviour that will get you to give a reward.
But what happens when you are wary about putting things exactly on the line? After all, not many people wish to be told they are doing something that annoys another, especially if you work with them or otherwise wish to keep relationships cordial. The other problem is that they have to show that behaviour before you can reward it, definitely a hit or miss affair.
Which is where negative reinforcement comes in. When undesirable behaviour is demonstrated then you give an undesirable response, or the very least you refuse to give recognition. The person does not like this reaction and, given persistence and consistency, they will get to the stage of not demonstrating this behaviour. Certainly, ending a relationship is one way of dealing with another’s annoying habit, but that is a bit like cutting off ones nose to spite the face. A bit dramatic, unless you are just looking for an excuse to do so. But that is another issue and possible material for another time.
Let me tell you how I know this works from personal experience. I have a friend. Yes, it is possible that there is one other insane being out there. Now it used to be that I would look for any excuse to spend time with them. Coffee at Southbank and food in Lygon St definite favourites. But the time for this was coming to an end, but I would not see this. Or, more truthfully, did not want to see this. But this friend, yes, they are still a good friend, which just demonstrates how masterful their talent at this is, managed to achieve this well. Each time an invitation was issued, they were unavailable or unable to comply. Or a ‘yes,… but’ response given, which is exceptionally effective. So I no longer issue. Not that I no longer wish to ask, I would rather have company for lunch next Saturday, but the thought is, ‘what is the point? why bother? you know what the answer will be’.
So there you have it. If there is a negative behaviour that you wish to modify, respond to it in a way that you know the other will not like. Preferably in a way that does not piss them off too much, or they may look for ways of getting back. Coolly, calmly and more than rational, and what comeback can there be? So endeth today’s lesson.