Sounds of silence

As it seems that all other options for blowing off pressure have been negated, looks like I am left to return here. Yet I also find it annoying that when another asks to be excused for short sharp behaviour when under stress, that the same considerations do not seem to apply in reciprocation. I am attacked on a personal level, raise questions in defence and then get silence as a reply. I am attacked on a professional level and find it inappropriate to spout off in frustration. Even my own office is no longer my own haven, it has been indicated on more than one occassion that I either leave or modify my behaviour. Then too, when I make a total arse of myself and seek ways of working out damage control, I am told to leave it be and move on.

So what am I supposed to do! Call it quits and just piss off? Tried that a couple of times to be told that it is I who is over reacting and I should just tolerate the pressure that they are under. Stress does strange things to people. As if I didnt know. Fine, if they could justify that they are under any more pressure than the rest of us, myself included.

Do not give me silence when I raise questions about the form of attack I am expected to counter. I should be better known than to just have me sit back and accept any of that.

Am I being told to move on physically, not just metaphorically? I find it strange, my confusion. I would like to think that it is just Michael replaced by Smenkhare and it is a question of he will not have me close, but does not want to let me go. I could only hope. Probably in vain.


But I really wish that I would be told to just go away if that is what is wanted. For if things keep on this way, that is definitely going to be the result. For what pupose? I will be held to blame for the situation that they have caused? They will maintain the then justifiable innocence? If there is concern about my expected reaction, again fine, just tell me. If I am becoming scary, again, let me know, for under the circumstances what else can I be expected to do? Any educator will tell you that any reaction is preferable to no reaction at all. But I hate being expected to be a damnable mind reader! Almost as much as I hate the silence.

Anyway, only seven days to have to deal with the confusion and uncertainty. Then there is six long weeks in which there will be no contact and I will have the time to try and build the ice, find the peace and learn how to breathe again.