Year End

The night before the last day of this year. Time for quiet reflection as tomorrow will be another hot busy day. To celebrate an arbitary end to an arbitary time scale. Still, it does give a point for a begining and an ending and is just as good as any other to find that another Sol rotation has been accomplished.

Well, it has been an interesting year. Generally, I suppose nothing remarkable. Personally? Well, I can truthfully say that I have never had one like it before. And given the way I feel at the moment, I pray to God that I never have one like it again.

I have inflicted hurt, I would hope not as much as I have been hurt. I have rediscovered strength and love and loyalty where it has always been and been strengthened by that. Taken refuge by curling up in that safety when I have made mistakes and used it to stop the bleeding. For though the damage could be said to be self inflicted, it is of no comfort to be offered a token bandaid when more serious dressing attention is required. Ah well, at least it is one way of coping with the problem. Focus on the injury and then other things are easier to deal with. At least the anger is now only disappointment. More at myself for being such a damnable idiot. I will overemphasise my importance.

Anyway, time for the obligitory resolutions. Get healthy. Aim for that commitment made to my mother. Remember exactly what my postion is in the scheme of things, who I am important to and give to those, stop wasting time and energy where it is not wanted. Commit to my reality as there is more than enough to keep me busy there, especially at work. Pick up the pencil again and work on my fantasy world where it is, not where I would it be.

And the year will be remembered for? Wine, coffee, roses, thorns, anger, limbo, hurt, curves, tangents, spirals, fruit, knives, questions, silence, friendship, disappointment and loss, so much loss. But fortunately for me, above and beyond all that, love.