I did it.

I actually did it. I heard of a job outside of what I am doing and applied for it. For the first time in my life I went for a job and there was no need for me to do so. Well, no employment need.

But it was kind of exciting all the same. As soon as I pressed the send button, I had to go and tell some. Till then, there was only the two outside of family who knew, those I asked to referee. Even that in itself was a boost to the ego. To be wished luck and the hope that I was not going to be offered the chance. It is nice for my fragile ego to know that there are some who want me around.

And there is no pressure here. In fact, it would be less pressure to not even get to the interview stage, but still... It sounds good and something I would like to be involved in. Publishing and marketing Maths text books with car, petrol, PC, phone and blackberry ( and I have actually seen one of those, mobile phone palm pilot is the closest I would say without actually knowing how they work) in a Southbank office? Far too good to ever be my reality.

Sure I have no desire to leave where I am, but it is a relief to find that I am willing to consider it. Six months ago and it would not have been an option. Now I would like to think that this is an opportunity for me to go, and I would hope that He has more plans for me than just the realisation that I can move on. I would miss my friends, one in particular, but it is kind of sobering to know that I would not be missed by that very one. Could almost imagine the relief actually. Toleration for the sake of friendship and pity? It is time I got back enough self respect to know that I no longer need that. Great theory. I hope I get the chance to see if I can actually go through with it.